Ending a relationship is a difficult challenge. Romantic relationships end for a variety of reasons. It is usually a result of not being able to meet each others needs, whether by choice or circumstance. The end of a relationship can be very painful. How do you keep your zen in the midst of that suffering?
- Remember who you are. You are a worthy, miraculous, intrinsic part of the universe. You are good hearted, compassionate and loving. You are human. You have and will continue to make what you may think of as mistakes. You are learning. You are becoming. You are creating the next best version of yourself every day, and you are going through a quantum leap in that process.
- Celebrate who you became, and bring that person into the future. What did that other person see in you that you didn’t see? Were you surprised at how they saw you? Did you learn to accept that you may be more wonderful and amazing than you thought you were? When we are in love we become more: more confident, more free, more beautiful, more resilient, more loving. When you break up with the person that revealed these truths to you, you do not have to leave that new version of you behind. Take your new awareness of who you can be with you into your new life.
- Grieve. Feel everything you are feeling. Anger, sadness, longing, shame, hope, joy, love. If you contain or repress your feelings they will come out somatically in other ways through your body. Accept yourself and your feelings for what they are. Do not judge or punish yourself for how you feel. Your deep feelings are a testament to your love. It can feel very raw and rough. Allow those feelings to be. Know that in the midst of those difficult feelings you are growing. Treat yourself well. Pamper yourself. Ask yourself what you would do for a friend going through a great loss… How would you listen to them? How would you console them? How would you support them? Love yourself.
- Breathe. Deep breathing regulates your heart, relaxes you and improves negative feelings. Sometimes the only thing you can do is breath and put one foot in front of the other. Breathe and push away negative thoughts and ruminations. Breathe and feel the sadness and yearning for that person. Breathe and be in the world around you.
- Let go. You will always have the memory of that experience. Perhaps you believe there is only moment: here and now. If you do then you will know that all separation is an illusion and we are all one. A piece of that person that will always stay with you. Let the other person go grow into who they will become next, and give yourself the same permission to move into your new future with everything you have gained.
- Be with others. Share your pain with someone who cares. Go out and be social in some way. Accept help. Connect.